That was my 4th year in London living in a shared house, obviously – like everybody else who didn’t inherit a house nor worked in a very highly paid sector…
Anyway, one day I just arrived home from Westfield when I found a stranger guy in our kitchen – he was one of my housemate’s friend. They were talking, minding their business when my housemate asked his friend if he wanted a coffee. Simple question when you try to be a good host. However, he only had coffee but no sugar nor milk…
So I offered to make the actual coffee and apparently it was good enough for him to come back the next day as well.
And here we are, 9 years later with our 4 and 3/4 years old daughter, living in our own house 🙂
I always wanted to write. When I was young, I used to write poems, short stories and I even had a diary.
So I decided to start writing again. Why not? I have so many thoughts, observations, experiences, feelings I’d like to share with others so we could all have a laugh together or even a conversation on certain things.
Few days before school I had to realise that my daughter has outgrown her shoes (in a month and a half!), so we had to run into town to get new ones – obviously in the heaviest rain and wind but it’s fine… This is a big step – a new chapter for her as she is starting school.
I consider myself as a very organised person so everything was ready for the Big First Day: all her clothes are neat, ironed and everything is name-tagged such as her school bag and her water bottle etc. We were right on time leaving the house and walk to school. Obviously we had time to take nice “first day at school” photos in front of the gate. Even the weather was nice and sunny. I was very emotional seeing my daughter in her uniform (she looked so grown-up), waiting to go into her class.
What could go wrong, right? Well there were signs, I just did not get them…
First sign was when I saw that one mum from preschool, waiting in front of the same class as my daughter. Wait, what? We thought our daughters will be in different classes. Anyway, we were really happy for this:)
Second sign was the teacher’s name on the door were completely different than on my papers, but it could be just a minor change…
Third and the most red-flag sign was that all the kids got their name stickers except my daughter. But also, this could be just a little mistake, first days are always hectic, right?… Well, her name was not even on the list…
So when I got home, I checked the paper (what I already had checked previously THREE times for the exact time we have to be there and for the teachers’ names) and realised that I sent my daughter into the wrong class…
Well, once upon a time I was very oganised, but clearly not today…
Have the feeling ever crossed your mind that you only have seconds to live? Like you are playing with your child in one minute and then you are gone forever.
You are watching your child who is just talking and talking but you do not hear a word because you are panicking about dying. You might have only few seconds and you don’t know how to explain that endless love you feel, how to prepare her for the whole life, how to explain what’s gonna happen. You are just falling into that ocean of your fears while your child is still talking and putting the 23rd hairclip in your hair, inventing a great story what you do not even hear…
When you think you only have few seconds left, you do realise that you could not love her longer, you wont see her growing up, you did not teach enough, you wont be able to protect her.
Then you understand Life: you cannot sink into your fears because you have so much to do. You need to get up and stop being afraid. You are strong. You are the whole universe for someone. YOu are the sunshine. You are a shield. You are everything, You are a Mother.
